EXPERIENCING THE DIVINE

I was born in a Tamil orthodox family. Our family consisted of My Parents, My Grandmother, my younger brother Sriram. Both my parents were working and as such we i.e. Sriram and myself were left under the control of my grandmother who was a very pious and orthodox lady. Our grandmother used to tell us stories related to the lives of the Divine in the afternoon and mummy used to tell us bed time stories of spiritual characters. Likewise we were updated about the life of Gods in these ways. Right from childhood I used to love reading books and my father used to continuously buy good Books through which also I would gain knowledge.

Although I was always a god fearing girl but I was never attracted by the avatars of Vishnu especially Rama and Krishna. About Rama I used to feel hurt when I heard about the way he treated Sita on their return from exile. I used to feel he had taken a harsh step in telling her to step into the sacred fire to prove her sanctity and even after this she was treated badly and left alone in the forests when one Dhobi pointed out this to Ram. I used to feel that God cannot be so harsh to a person who is absolutely faultless and when ultimately Sita merged with the bhoomi mata I used to literally cry for I used to feel the pain Sita must have felt on separation from her children. So for Sita’s plight I used to feel Rama cannot at all be a God since he has done injustice to the woman who has sacrificed her life for him. Little did I know that ways of the divine are different and known only to him.

Likewise I was not at all attracted towards Krishna also. To my young mind I used to feel that Krishna was supposed to be the biggest of all the flirts and how can such a flirt or romeo be God. I had no idea that the time when Krishna did his Rasleela he was much much younger to the Gopis who had selfless love for God. Only after reading Baba’s books I came to know the truth. When the feeling for Krishna and Rama was such how I could believe a person still living as God. So believing Baba as God was out of question. In fact I had a strong aversion for him. My mother who was a staunch devotee of Baba since her young days had not only tried to tell us stories of Baba but she had also brought video cassettes for us to visualize him but I remember my father and myself criticizing her for such blind belief though my brother was always soft and silent he too never had any kind of belief in Baba ultimately the fact is that I was never attracted to him and used to consider him as a big magician or a even a cheat.

When I was 22 years of age my marriage with Vishwa was finalized and we found that he was a very staunch devotee of Satya Sai Baba. I thought it to be appropriate to tell him initially itself that I did not believe this person and that I will not attend any of his bhajans service activities etc. Accordingly I did so. He was not at all moved by my remarks and said that he would never force me into anything which I did not like but I too should not stop him from attending the programmes. That was really OK with me.

After 2-3 days of our marriage we were to leave for Puttaparthy for our darshan of Swamy. Accordingly my mother-in law, Chandra, my sister-in-law Vishwa and myself all started for Bangalore since at that time Baba was at Whitefield. For me it was just a sightseeing trip and there was absolutely no feeling of devotion. Once we reached Bangalore we were told that on that day only Swamy had moved to Puttaparthy. Vishwa was very adamant that wherever Swamy goes we had to get his darshan since we were newly wed. He started finding out tickets in buses for all the four of us and found that all the buses were booked and that there was no seat in any one of them. But still he wanted to have darshan so he took us to the Bus stop without a ticket telling us to be prepared to even to stand throughout the way and we found one bus which was absolutely full. But since Swamy always takes care of his devotees Vishwa’s strong desire to have his darshan was granted and the conducter told us that passengers who had booked seat Nos. 1,2,3 and 4 had not reached so we may occupy the seats till they turn up and thus we had a comfortable journey till parthy. During that time the Kulwant Hall was not built and it was an open auditorium and next day we got up early in the morning at 3.00 AM took our bath and reached the darshan before 4.00. The token was being distributed and with Swami’s will we got the 1st row. I sat waiting with my mother-in-law and Chandra in the ladies side wonder struck by the way people were mad about this person called Satya Sai. Swami came graciously, saw me directly and threw a bunch of chocolates at us. I took one of the chocolates ate it as if it was a birthday chocolate with absolutely no feelings while the crowd was trying to grasp as many as they could. Swami gave a slight smile and went off. But little did I know that the internal transformation had begun with that small chocolate and that graceful smile. Our return journey was also not booked. We found the same bus in the bus stand full of passengers and Vishwa again approached the conductor he simply said again Seat Nos. 1,2,3 and 4 are vacant you may occupy them. Now I realize that it was our dearest Lord who had booked our tickets for the to and fro journey much before we had arrived at Bangalore.

Our routine life started after that with Vishwa attending Bhajans regularly and myself trying to avoid them when I got a beautiful dream.

“ We were traveling somewhere by train when the train stopped at a station. I get down to get water. I turn back to get into the train and find that the train had left the station. Absolutely stranded with only the water bottle in my hand I keep thinking what to do next when I see a group of people (Sai devotees) singing “ Shirdi Sai Dwaraka Mai Prashanti vasi Sai Ram……Sai Ram Sairam Ek Naam sundar naam..” I follow them and they go through the streets of Shirdi (I came to know that this place is Shirdi only after seeing pictures taken by Sriram on his first visit after his marriage to Priya) They reach the temple and go inside the Marble staircase and sit near a big statue of Shirdi baba. Baba from there seemed to be alive to me and he told me that this is not the place where I stay now. Come I will take you to a different place where I take only a few of my devotees and he took me to some place which I have not yet seen till date. There Sathya Sai Baba dressed as Shirdi Baba is sitting with his devotees. He looked at me and called me “Come take my pada namaskarams” He told in a gentle voice. He started telling the devotees that he had purposely made me miss my train to give me padanamaskarams”

Startled I got up and thought however high profile magician, a person may be he cannot have any control over my dreams. So Baba surely has some powers which we have to appreciate. From that day even though I started participating slowly in Bhajan and other activities of the Samithi I could not accept him as God and still Lord Shiva was completely occupying my mind. While such thoughts used to come and go from time to time again Swamy entered my dream and this time completely conquering me. The dream was as under:-

“ I was sitting in the darshan line at Puttaparthy with many devotees when someone announced that Swamy had left Parthy and that there was no darshan today and immediately the crowd of devotees started dispersing. Disappointed I too started to move out of the Hall when I saw a person standing outside the Hall. In fact I first saw his huge legs and slowly my glance moved up starting from the legs and then I saw the tiger skin dress and kamandalu in his hand and his vibhuti smeared body and the divine form of Lord Shiva. I was really happy to receive this divine darshan when Lord Shiva gave a naughty smile and I was tempted to ask him as to who he really is and he started to laugh loudly and then slowly he completely changed to Baba and then again to Shiva laughing continuously at my astonishment. “

With this divine darshan I was completely transformed and then there was no doubt at all that Baba is only my Shiva.

During that time Vishwa introduced me to his friend Sai Srinivasan whom I called as Rohini Anna. As soon as I saw him I had a feeling that he was a lost elder brother and the brotherly feeling was very strong. I shared most of my experiences and feelings with him and he used to tell me a lot about Baba and I used to like hearing stories and his experiences with Baba.

After this there was a Seva for Delhi Devotees and most of the Samithi Members from Janakpuri enrolled their names for the Seva there. Vishwa and myself both enrolled our names and left for Parthi. This was the first time I was involved in some Seva activity. When I saw Baba this time tears of joy rolled down as now I really felt he is my Shiva. I was given the duty of cleaning the Kulwant Hall Outside the gates where presently the idol of Lord Rama, Sita Lakshmana and Hanuman are installed. During those days that place was under construction and we had to clear the area of the huge load of cement which fell there. Ever since childhood I suffered from Bronchitis and I could not even bear anyone cleaning the house leave alone the cement portion but during that seva for 7 days I did not have any sort of dust allergy or Bronchitis infection. I was surprised with this change itself when one day while cleaning the area I saw many seva dals cleaning the inner portion of Kulwant Hall and my monkey mind started thinking how lucky those Seva Dals were because the Lord himself stepped on the floor which they cleaned and how unlucky I was since it was an area outside the gate where Swamy would never ever come. As soon as such a thought passed my mind I heard the Gents Seva Dal shouting and asking us to clear the way since Swamy was coming to inspect the area. Within a minute the Lord was standing on the area which I had cleaned just then. Naturally I could not control my tears and he on the other hand mischievously again passed a naughtiest smile at me.

At that time Abhinav was only less than 2 years old and every time he was taken for darshan he used to cry wildly as if some spirit had taken over him that he wants to go inside Baba’s house. 2-3 sevadals had to control him and most of the time they used to make me sit near the gate so that we do not disturb the discipline. As such almost all the seva dals knew Abhinav and me very well and they used to warn me at the gate itself. Our seva ended and Swamy was to give us Pada namaskaram. As such I was warned not to carry Abhinav with me since I will not be granted Pada namaskaram. But since the seva dals had seen Abhinav’s behaviour they too knew that he was crying for want of Swamy so they made me sit in the last row and told me to control him completely. Accordingly I made him sit next to me and held him tightly also told him that Baba is coming near to take you inside his house and that you have to be quiet when you see him. So we were prepared for the Divine namaskaram. When Baba came near me I was completely blank while I touched the Lotus feet of the Lord and when I regained my senses I saw Abhinav was not sitting next to me. Disappointed my eyes searched for him when I saw that this 2 year old was lying down completely before Swamy doing shashtang namaskaram as one should actually do, without anybody teaching him so and Swamy like a gentle mother called him slowly caressing his head with his right hand and said “ Good Boy, go and sit” . As soon as the Divine hand was placed on Abhinav’s head he was silent and the urge to go inside Baba’s house was completely gone, now he wanted me to take him home. We all saw this great change in the child and even a layman could make out that it was nothing but Swamy’s Divine touch that changed him.

After this we shifted to Noida and started our work with the Samithi. During that time we had a Seva in June. That time my sister-in-law Chandra was expecting a Baby and I had to go for help. Usually we used to combine our south trip with Parthy and used to first have Swamy’s darshan and then our hometown. So we started the journey for Parthi alongwith the Samithi Members. Baba was at Bangalore Whitefield and usually used to come by 2nd or 3rd June. Our tickets in bulk were booked for Dharmavaram. That night while in train I got a dream of Baba giving me Pada Namaskaram at Whitefield Bangalore. I immediately wanted to go straight to Bangalore. I shared this dream with my friend Jaishri and both of us told the convener of our plans to go to Whitefield. He immediately told that this was impossible since he had booked tickets in bulk and that all were for Dharmavaram. Since my intention to go to Bangalore was very strong I requested uncle to show our tickets so that we could talk to the ticket checker and make necessary arrangements. He took out our ticket from the bunch of the tickets he had with him and to our utter astonishment only our ticket i.e. mine and Jaishree’s was till Bangalore and not till Dharmavaram. Our convener uncle was so surprised that he told us that you have to go to Bangalore since it is Baba’s wish and that he will take care of other things. As planned by Baba Jaishri her son, Abhinav and myself set for Bangalore. Although we had no idea about the city we had a very nice and a lovely darshan since the visit was planned not by us but by the Divine Architect. We reached Parthi and started our seva, I was deputed at the Swamy’s residence cleaning but that time Swamy did not reach Parthi and if we had not gone to Bangalore we would not have had his darshan at all. Meanwhile Chandra was blessed with a baby boy and I had to leave for Kumbakonam with little Abhinav who was hardly 3 years at that time. We took a bus from Parthy to Bangalore and from there we had to take a bus for Kumbakonam which was to leave Bang at 10 PM. As luck would have it our bus reached the Bangalore Bus stand at abt 10.10PM. I was so tensed thinking what to do since we had missed our bus. In panic I tried to lift the big suitcase which was placed neatly above our seats and the handle alone came in my hands and I almost fell down. A look behind showed many strange faces laughing at my plight. Here I was at an unknown place with a small child and huge suitcase without handle at 10.30 night and there was this big photo of Baba giving a naughty smile to me. I almost was shouting at him from the bottom of my heart. At that time a person wearing white dress came and asked me if I wanted a coolie. I was so happy to see him that I immediately acknowledged and he took out the huge bag, took us to a private bus booking center, got my suitcase set right, made us sit in the next bus and disappeared without taking a penny from me. Only after reaching our destination I was sure that the person was none other that Baba himself since none of the coolies come in white dresses.

Another incident in our life which needs a mention is Chandra’s accident where Swamy showed his Divine Presence. Chandra a Bal Vikas Guru could not continue Baba’s activities after marriage. While traveling with her husband on one fateful day which happened to be her Marriage Anniversary they were hit very badly by a moving bus. Both Chandra and her son were injured very badly. At that moment her husband was in a state of shock when a person came to help him out and lifted Chandra in his hands and told her husband to lift the baby. I really feel had the person touched the baby for a minute we could have saved him. But the ways of Divine are not known to us and as fate would have it we lost the baby but chandra was out of danger. We all rushed from Delhi to be at her side in this moment of crisis when Vishwa wanted to find out the person who brought them to the hospital and in the records the person had left his Visiting Card and the name was none other than Satya Sai. We went on to investigate the whereabouts but knew that we will not get and we did not get. Even if we sacrifice our lives for him we may not be able to thank Swamy for all he had done for us and immediately after seeing the visiting card we left for Parthy for the Scheduled Seva since this was the only way we could thank our Baba.

Obviously my list of experiences is endless but I would like to mention this last incident before I conclude. It was always Vishwa’s wish to settle down at Bangalore since the place was near to Parthy and also he could easily commute to Kumbakonam where his parents live and we got an opportunity in 2007 April when Vishwa got a chance to change his line to Marketting which had always been his dream. The higher officials in my office confirmed that they would easily grant me transfer and accordingly we shifted to south and placed Abhinav in a good school but as usually happens our highest competent authority simply refused to give me transfer. I was literally shattered and we had to call Vishwa’s parents to take care of them at Bangalore and I went on to Delhi for work. That time only I realized that how much attached I had become to Abhinav and I missed him a lot. When I was in complete turmoil Swamy again blessed me with a lovely dream. We had actually been to Parthy during one of my leave periods and it was a Guru Purnima day when Parthy was overflowing with devotees and we could see Swamy only from outside the Kulwant Hall that too very little. In my dream which I saw when I was at Bangalore at about 5 AM in the morning:-

“ Swamy was right in the middle of a huge crowd when a thought passes my mind that these days you do not even look at me. Immediately the crowd disappeared and in the long corridor only Swamy was there at one end and me at the other end. Swamy looked at me and called me near him. He asked me to take his pada namaskarams and as usual I bowed down to take the pada namaskarams of the Lotus feet. When I looked at him he beautifully said “ No no not like this keep your head down and I will keep both my legs on your head. “
Like a small child I obeyed and bowed my head down so that they touched the ground Swamy lifted both his legs and placed on my head. I was literally shivering. Even now I can feel the pulling effect it had on me. It was as if through magnet he had taken all the problems and tensions and left me in a state of complete bliss.”

I got up drenched in tears of joy and thanked Swamy for the lovely way to show that he cares. After that I slowly learnt to stay alone and started enjoying silence and staying lonely, also took that period to be a learning period where I could read a lot of Swamy Literature. May be Swamy wanted me to stay with my parents and may be they too needed me so we tried to enjoy my stay there. And once the burden was shifted on Swamy’s shoulders I got my transfer orders and joined my family whereas my brother returned from US to stay with my parents.

Through his small ways Baba has been teaching us to totally surrender ourselves to Swamy and to dedicate whatever is happening whether good or bad to him. May we all continue this journey of life remembering that each and every day is a gift of Swamy granted to us for doing sacred deeds and that we have to dedicate our lives to do our little part in his Divine Mission. Let us also join together to pray to him to grant each one of us Self Realization.

Geetha Vishwanathan
Income tax Appellate Tribunal, Bangalore